As we celebrate 11 years in business, this week it just hit me that all the people we have worked closely with – from clients to community leaders, business partners to government officials – have one thing in common: we have invested time in breaking bread together. Call me old-school, but nothing beats meeting people for lunch, coffee, or some tapasand vino to get to know them better. It’s the best way to determine whether there is alignment in terms of your core values, something that is so important to figure out before you get deeply involved in any long-term project.
Is breaking bread a prerequisite of ours to doing business? Not at all, although eventually at some point it’s nice to break bread with people you collaborate with. Breaking bread has simply been part of how we conduct business at URBANDER since 2008. And this is how it works. All of a sudden you and the other business person realize you dig each other or need each other, and the proverbial “Do you have time to meet?” comes up. My knee-jerk response is usually: “Let’s do lunch! My treat!” Why? Here are a handful of reasons:
- Guards Go Down: The consumption of food is a very primal human need, and so the experience of eating a meal with another person is about meeting each other at the foundation of human survival. Let’s face it, it’s not a pretty picture. Food is messy to manage, stuff gets stuck in your teeth, unexpected spills loom left and right, and chewing while trying to get a conversation going is always a laughing matter. Inevitably at some point, everyone at the table relaxes and for that time spent together breaking bread, we become a tribe.
- Non-verbal Cues Run Amok: You can tell so much about a person while observing their body language and overall demeanor when you break bread together. Between the way they dress and how long it takes them to order food to their posture and tone of voice, there are a plethora of cues that communicate tidbits of information regarding your lunch companion’s preferences, likes and dislikes, mood, ideals, views and disposition. Their “vibe” helps figure out how decisive, accessible and comfortable they are in establishing a relationship with you, and quite frankly, if working together is going to be a pleasant experience.
- Intimacy is Nurtured: Going back to the primal and tribal, breaking bread together sparks storytelling just like our ancestors did many moons ago as they gathered around the flame of life; today, the lit candles on the bar top. People tend to open up and share anecdotes, some related to the business at hand and many completely unrelated that are more personal. It’s human nature to want to explore areas where we can connect and bond at a deeper level, creating more meaningful and intimate relationships. And it’s so special when you start doing business with someone and you wind up making a solid friend.
- Authentic Self is Revealed: My mom gave me this book about a decade ago called “All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten” by Robert Fulghum that outlines basic tenets we should practice in our lives. They can also serve as a barometer of sorts to decipher the character and level of integrity of the people you interact with. Of all the gems written in this little masterpiece the three standouts for me are “share everything”, “play fair”, and “don’t hit people”, because they are at the core of being a decent human being. From a business standpoint I want to collaborate with others who are generous, honest and kind, and breaking bread together provides a series of interactions that can give you a sneak peek into a person’s soul.
- Second Date Validation: The experience of establishing new business relationships is much like dating. You have to invest time, energy and resources into engaging and evaluating your potential collaborators and how they respond to different situations, settings and stimuli. If both parties are like-minded and aligned in terms of their core values, the relationship will be off to a healthy start. It’ll take more than one meeting before deciding whether to get hitched. But a good first date will usually lead to a second, and if you break bread together you just might confirm that it’s time to accelerate your plans to partner up.
This is how we knit the very fabric of humanity! So, I encourage everyone to break bread together and do it often, whether for business or with a close friend you haven’t seen in a while. And as we say in my beloved Puerto Rico – ¡Buen provecho!
